I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
