Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
