I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
