Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
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