next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
