The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
