you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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