I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
