this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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