only if we run a train.
done.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
