running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
