Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
