my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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