Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
