If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
