ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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