i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Damn victory sex feels great
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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