Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
