is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
