I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
