Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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