So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
