its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
