please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
