u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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