I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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