I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
