even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
God I need to hump something, right now.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
