this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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