He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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