I am puke
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
