i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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