So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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