normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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