im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
