Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
