i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
