yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
