Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
