i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
