a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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