Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
