he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
someone owes me an orgasm
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
