ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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