sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
