So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
