Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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