Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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