Me too!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
