there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
