Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
